Categories
Christian Faith God God Healing health History Independence Inspiration Personal Experiences Relationships Spiritual healing Uncategorized

Swallowing the pills of the past…

God reprimanded me like only He can about he content I’ve shared on here. For something entitled “memoirs of Keisha” there was very little insight into my history so here goes!

A great deal of my childhood is blurred, based on my subconscious coping method of forgetting what hurt.

During my healing process, God forced me to face some truths. 

  1. My self loathing didn’t begin with the habitual cheating of my first real boyfriend.
  2. Despite my ability to help others, I was drowning in depression since childhood.
  3. I had no idea who I was and I spent my life allowing everyone else to tell me who I ought to be. 

So, here goes nothing. When I was 11, I hated everything around me. I was briefly separated from my mother and felt abandoned, I was sad but instead of talking I decided I would forget once and for all. My adolescence included great battles with suicide and failed attempts that made me feel like… You guessed it, a failure! I mean, I couldn’t even die right.

The world I pictured without me was better off. I would do everyone a favor and just disappear. I began self medicating, I stole my uncle’s pain medication and took a few – it left me in a daze for days (that rhymed) – but someone noticed. My aunt called me in and asked about the pills, my world crumbled, not only did I fail at dying – I had to now share the embarrassment with my aunt who was aware of my shortcomings.

I was sad, I had hurt I couldn’t explain so I pretended it didn’t exist. But – I couldn’t be sad, they would be disappointed… 

I wanted love, I just didn’t know where to find it, I didn’t know what it looked like.

Photo credit: rebloggy.com

To be continued… 

Categories
Christian Faith Fashion Healing History Inspiration Personal Experiences Relationships Spiritual healing

You don’t have to pretend life doesn’t hurt…

I read these words on page 32 of “Dear Mary” written by Sarah Jakes and I closed the book.No, there’s no fancy wordplay, no great deep meaning behind it. The transparency and simplicity of that statement, brought me to a place I had been before and desperately needed to tap into once again.

Sometimes life sucks.

Some days are bad, others are good, and we even have a few extraordinary ones but we cannot continue to pretend that the bad ones do not exist.

Heartache, hurt, lack and worry all plague us at some point. I am in no way condoning sulking – it’s just really annoying. What I am an advocate of is C.L.E.A.R. Take time to (CLEAR) and process. Here’s what it means:

Commit to understanding the root of what you’re feeling.

Learn yourself in a new way by exploring your reactions and feelings toward certain situations.

Earn the right in your own mind to be as forgiving to yourself as you are to others.

Assess the situation in prayer by committing your now clear feelings to Him.

Release every negative emotion and use this instance as a learning experience for future reference. (you may need to write it down)

After you’ve done all you can, which includes serious and specific prayer time.. then rest. We often misunderstand the active benefits in resting in God, it sends the message to Him that we trust Him even when life hurts and doesn’t make sense to us – we know it all works together for our good.

Wherever you are, whatever you are going through just remember you don’t have to pretend life does’t hurt! Take your time to get clear and watch God turn things around just for you! He loves you that much!

You can order the book “Dear Mary” from Amazon, just CLICK HERE!

Live a little, Love a lot, Be a blessing! 

ShaKeisha M. 

Categories
Christian Inspiration Spiritual healing

Break every chain!!!!!

When I lost my grandmother, just about our entire immediate family was at her home and Break every chain was playing on repeat. I couldn’t stand to hear the song for the following few months, it would bring unbearable grief. 

Here it was, a song that was meant to bring freedom and deliverance did the exact opposite for me because of what it was associated with.

When we hear a song, go somewhere or even meet a new person we can only view them through the jaded scope of our past experiences. I’m greatly aware now of the need to constantly  cleanse our minds of negative associations and viewpoints stemming mind from unresolved issues. We must resolve our issues! 

We have to learn to face the truth of how we feel and to overcome it by the power God has given us to speak His word and speak change into reality. Don’t let a negative memory rob you of a positive or even God-ordained experience! 

Let’s pray:

God, gracious and everlasting Father! I ask that today you enter into my heart and cause all bitterness and malice to be uprooted. Every sign of unforgiveness or brokenness I turn over to you right now. Transform my heart and give me a heart like yours. Help me to see the world through your eyes. I’m no longer broken, no longer hurting but I am whole and healed in Jesus’ mighty name!